AsiaLIFE

Cambodia, a hot and hectic country located as good as on the equator, has very little in common with Finland, a generally cold and ordered place up by the Polar Circle. Still my demanding editor challenges me to find something Cambodian in Finland. The answer is, of course, karaoke. Words by Nora Lindstrom.

Whether considered a form of art or parody, karaoke unites people the world over. In Japan kids belt it out in private little boxes, in Wales it unites run-down former mining communities, while in Cambodia even the most quiet office mouse is prepared to grab the mic and sing about unrequited love. Though I’ve been told karaoke is on the rise in Finland as a result of the proliferation of games such as SingStar, I have always resolutely associated it with sad, middle-aged semi-alcoholics. You can thus imagine my surprise when my friends, none of whom are sad, semi-alcoholic or even middle-aged, decided to welcome me back to the motherland by dragging me to a karaoke bar.

As we enter the small hole-in-the-wall bar, a large blonde woman is belting her heart out to some old Finnish tango while a wrinkly old man sips his pint. My friends express their satisfaction at the lack of other customers – hurrah, we’ll get to sing as much as we want! Having sat down and ordered a few pints, the song catalogues are in high demand. I am told to come up with a ‘karaoke name’ – preferably something old-fashioned like Marjatta or Aino.

Not wanting to disappoint, I pick a name and start looking for a song. I figure making a fool of myself in front of my friends, the fat woman and the drinking man is just about bearable. Surely the place will stay this quiet all night. My friends may have developed a weird fascination for this karaoke business, but I’m sure it can’t be universal.

Yeah, right! By the time the fat woman has been told off by the staff for submitting too many song requests and it’s my turn with Frank Sinatra’s Strangers in the Night (a choice I will later regret only a few seconds into the song) the bar is full. And not with sad middle-aged alcoholics. There are 30-something guys in military trousers, a group of platinum blonde teenage girls, men in perfectly passable suits and at some point a very respectable looking dinner party tries to enter but by this point the place is already packed.

And so I, or Mervi as I’ve been re-christened, sing Strangers in the Night off key and out of tune. I even forget the melody at times. Post-performance, returning to my table is a struggle. I want the ground to open beneath my feet and eat me up. I can’t look my friends in the eye afterwards and inevitably there is no applause. This is a nightmare. Things get even worse when the fifth division football team of the National Symphony Orchestra arrives. Breaking all rules of recreational karaoke, one of its members gives a near-perfect performance of operatic Con Te Partiro. In full-blown Italian!

Disgusted and embarrassed, I vow never to sing again. Alas I forget Mervi has already signed up for another number – You’re So Vain, by Carly Simon. The only thing that saves me from complete humiliation is the mortician look-a-like who in black leather and heavy make-up treats us all to some Finnish heavy metal before it’s my turn. After that, my bad singing is almost like music to the ears – not that I’m vain.

Brandishing itself as “a centrally located bar for the busy friend of karaoke” Anna K certainly attracts a varied crowd. As we finally leave to catch the last bus home (no tuk tuks here) I’m oddly elated. Despite the mortification I experienced singing in front of a crowd, I think I secretly enjoyed it. And anyway, surely we operate under road trip rules – what happens in Finland, stays in Finland. Unless you happen to write for AsiaLIFE Guide that is.