AsiaLIFE

The pool is slightly bigger than a paddling pool and maybe 50cm deep. In the middle sits a big ornamental fish – an apparent attempt at creating some atmosphere ¬– while the little suckers who await me as their lunch calmly swim about.

Except for that they’re not little at all – some of the fish are easily the size of a large banana, and, as I learn later, have no problem trying to swallow my pinkie whole.

“If you’re still they’ll come to you,” the woman says as I hesitantly step into the rather cold water. And indeed they do. As soon as I stand still, swarms of them come at me and start nibbling away. It feels weird and the bites tickle a little, but it’s not entirely unpleasant. I slowly work up the courage to sit down in the water, despite my concerns that the coldness of the water will give me a bladder infection.

As the snacking continues, I manage to get a good look at these so-called ‘Dr Fish’. Plain, bordering on ugly, they clearly have no manners – what goes in comes out. So I come to the delightful realisation that not only am I being eaten by fish but swimming around in their excrement too. Fortunately it’s just me in the bath – sharing the pool with a bunch of strangers would have been a bit much. At least now it’s technically only my own digested skin cells floating about, or so I tell myself.

My eaters have an insatiable appetite, with a particular penchant for scabs and moles. In fact some of the larger aquatic doctors manage to draw blood with their incessant gnawing. I had no idea I was so tasty. It really seems these blood-thirsty fish are ravenous – I wonder what the massage parlour does when business is slack – sacrifice a member of staff?

Bleeding and cold, I eventually give up. If it weren’t for those two factors the experience wouldn’t have been all that bad. It’s easy to see the benefits particularly on your feet as layers of dead skin have been chewed off. Still, it will take some convincing to get me back among those gory fish. I also think first aid packs should be included in the price.

What is apparent though is that the whole thing is rather falsely marketed as a massage, as it actually is more of an exfoliation. This comes as a relief. Fish eating you is just about comprehensible, but fish giving you a massage? That’s taking things a bit too far.

Fish Massage treatments cost US$5 (or US$8 including sauna), and are best booked in advance to allow time for cleaning the pool. Women are welcome mornings between 10am and 12pm, while men are welcome from 1pm to 11.30pm


Monorom Professional Massage B-87, B-89, B-91 Street 199 (near Sovanna Mall), Tel: 023 351 242.