AsiaLIFE

Shunned by his Church and fellow countrymen, Raymond Alikpala sought solitude in Southeast Asia. Instead he found love. The author of “God Loves Bakla” opens the pages of his life to share with the world. Words by Craig Gerard.

The Catholic Church is typically not a forgiving place, especially when it comes to “sexual deviants,” and the Jesuits in Manila were no exception. Growing up in the shadow of the Church, Raymond Alikpala quickly learned to suppress his attraction for men, even before he truly understood his sexual orientation. But after 30 years of hiding in the closet, Raymond, who has always had a flare for the dramatic, has come out to the world in his new book, “God Loves Bakla.”

The world “bakla” is Tagalog for faggot, with all the negative connotations that flow from the word. It was a playground insult, a nasty emotional dagger, and, according to Raymond, someone who “calls another man bakla is looking for a fight.” Raymond tried his entire life to hide from the word and the associated connotations by training himself not to act effeminate, and engaging in as many macho activities as he could. But just as the gay community in the US embraced the word “queer” in the 1970s, so too has the Philippine gay community accepted bakla in the past decade. To turn that negative connotation around is empowering. Raymond has taken this a step further, and has tattooed the word on his back. By experiencing the pain of getting a tattoo, he addressed his fears, but by permanently marking himself as bakla, he also took yet another step towards announcing to the world that he is gay.

Throughout his life, Raymond was told by his church leaders and religious-school teachers that love was meant to be between a man and a woman – every other expression of love was immoral and wrong. With this constant message of intolerance coming from his religious mentors, it’s reasonable to expect Raymond to shut Christianity out of his life once he fully accepted his homosexuality. Yet throughout his book and peppered in regular conversations with Raymond, there is the constant presence of God, and passages reflecting his deep seeded religious beliefs. “What I’ve come to believe,” he explains, “is that life experiences, pain, sacrifice, are what bring us closer to God.” Problems arise, according to Raymond, when people choose their behaviors by listening to institutionalized churches instead of making a direct connection with God.

When Raymond moved to Cambodia in November of 2001, he was only out to a handful of people and certainly not his employers at the time, Jesuit Refugee Services. Working as an international lawyer focusing on refugees, he still maintained that homosexuality was a sin to be overcome. Then, a visiting Jesuit priest, who was openly gay, spoke with Raymond about accepting his sexuality, and loving himself not in spite of being gay, but loving himself because of his homosexuality. Man, in every form, was created in God’s image argued the priest. These words inspired Raymond, and he began the long journey of coming out to his family, his friends, his former classmates and his employers.

Accepting his homosexuality and being honest with himself for the first time in his life, Raymond was able to finally be a happy person. The weight of hiding his every instinct had constantly dragged him down, affecting almost every decision he made. But once that weight had been shed, Raymond knew he could tell his story unfettered. The result is a truly inspirational book, one that tells his intimate life story – a true story, with a happy ending. Raymond and his life partner Robert, were married in a quiet ceremony in June 2008 at Angkor Wat. They now live in Phnom Penh, where Raymond continues his work as a lawyer for an international firm. Raymond still has a flare for the dramatic, and you can catch him from time to time in productions by the Phnom Penh Players.

The book almost did not get published. Searching for publishers both in the US and in the Philippines, Raymond came up empty. One publisher came close, but when they wanted him to get written permission from everyone mentioned in the book, he knew it wasn’t going to happen. Instead, Raymond decided to self-publish here in Cambodia. With some design help from friends and the use of a local printing house, he was able to put together a high quality product that exceeded his expectations. Raymond hopes his story will help other young men have the courage to come out. “I want young Philippines to know that God loves us,” Raymond says. “It is not about making money. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be on Oprah, but it is more about helping people.”

Raymond Alikpala’s book, ‘God Loves Bakla’ can be purchased at Monument Books for US$18